You Are An Exception ^_^

Well, I guess I really cant help but post this one up. Paramore's The Only Exception had been playing over and over again inside my head. I guess I can relate to it n some ways; so, let me share to you this realistic and bitter but kind of hopeful song:

Paramore - The Only Exception  

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing...

Miniature Siberian Husky, I Choose You!

Chow chows are cuddly, poodles are eccentric, Shih Tzus are amusing and Chihuahuas are so cute. But I just can’t get enough of rough collies, any spitz, Japanese Chin and terriers. And if I can get the chance, I’d want to adopt an Alaskan Klee Kai or an American Akita. Oh, and that Australian Shepherd! :D

However, the dog breed that was really able to capture my heart (and had made me wish that our pet cat would be converted into such) is the “miniature” Siberian husky.

Ah, look at his eyes (though I’m not sure if the puppy’s a girl or boy LOL). But I prefer a male Miniature Siberian Husky puppy. If only I can have one *puppy eyes*…

This breed is often mistaken for the Alaskan Klee Kai; it’s no surprise why I like them both. And I can somehow see this breed’s resemblance to a cat; but of course, more of a wolf or fox. Or maybe my eyesight is just failing me.

One good thing about Miniature Siberian Huskies is that they grow up to be only around 15-25 lbs. Unlike standard-size dogs, they won’t become a hassle to your home. Although there are many other “small type” dog breeds, I still and would always want to choose a miniature version of a Siberian Husky.   

P.S
I am actually a cat-lover. I find cats more convenient than large, loud dogs. However, I wouldn’t say no, never, if handed a Siberian husky of this type. I will definitely do whatever it takes to keep such puppy loved. And cry harder, feel more broken-hearted, compared to when I lost “Nami.” Of course, each and every creature is special in his/her own way. So Nami and Miming were certainly irreplaceable. I doubt mom would let us keep a dog. Maybe someday, if I already have a house of my own, I can take care of whatever pets I choose to. :D

Love to Hate

They make me wonder. They make me condemn. What they do is confusing, leading my heart astray. Don’t want to be surrounded by people like them – poisonous, contagious. But I guess they’re already a part of this crumbling society where weak ones tend to get stronger, only if they strive to.

These are people who shout to the world that they’re mature, all-knowing and that they know love like they’ve invented it. They trash-talk and make violence apparent like it comes naturally and that the negative vibes of their resentment don’t actually affect the innocent ones whom are trying to appreciate even the simplest of things.

What a good way to start the day hearing couples fighting as if they’ve never met their partners all thanks to the power of love. They try to kill each other as if it’s the best form of the passion itself. They emanate an exemplar that would trigger singles to coil in frustration and fear.  

Why talk about love, try to live “a life” with your so-called love and say those “magical” three words like it’s one of your (dreaded) routine when you cant actually stand just the thought of it? Why do people engage in such affairs that only crumple the aspirations and/or negate the real essence of compassion? *sigh

The Bending Craze :D

The long wait is over. At last, our most-awaited movie, The Last Airbender, is now showing in the big screen. Finally! Whew! :D I am getting so excited to watch it with, uh, a lot of company. ;)

Although many bad reviews have made the movie look contemptible, I’d still want to give it a try. And try not to compare it with the original series. I know it’s not easy to squeeze a number of episodes into just one movie. So, I’m gonna go for it!

As a tribute to one of my fave anime/cartoon series, here are the characters of Avatar: The Last Airbernder that we came to love (in order of my preference LOL):

Toph

 Appa and Momo 

 Uncle Iro

 

Sokka

Zukko

Suki

Katara and Aang

 

Azula, Mei and Tai Li

The Link Between Us Is…

I just realized how care-less I am. How I don’t share my “real” feelings to real people, including my family, and how much I’ve been idling around like I am certain of the future. But the truth is that I’m scared – scared of what may never come and the regrets of not doing what I should’ve done. And yet, what the heck am I doing? Nothing; just the best way to cripple my existence. 

I feel helpless, directionless and wretched. I know it’s never a good idea to bring down one’s self. I am in charge of what to feel and how to seize each and every day. That I can never blame anyone on my own mistakes, even if it would help me feel better. But I guess I am too frail to say no this melancholic state. The only good thing is that I am surrounded by people who understand – people that I’m trying to loosen the bonds with.

And maybe, just maybe, this is the source of my dismay. I have mingled with various personalities that I came to forget my own. I have enjoyed the short-lived happiness, which I know isn’t wrong, but surely not good enough for me. It’s this state of change that’s drowning me. Yet I may need to. I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to look needy, though. Ahh, pride, maybe, eh?!

At first, I thought this may disappoint people. So I realized, I no longer care what they say - just like what I used to believe; unless they slap me back to reality and convince me that I don’t belong to the gloomy wilderness that I’m heading to. I thought I should not force myself to please them. Although being with them brightens up my aura. It’s so perplexing, and painful. But it seems I have to go through this, once and for all.  

I now understand that I am truly miserable since I just can’t stop myself from writing even the most senseless of stuff. I write from the heart, though. No editing, no revising, no proofreading – all fresh from the mind to the keyboard and monitor. Maybe, I have always been like that. I admire great and aspiring writers; I feel jealous at times, but I don’t really care whenever I write. I don’t care how I sound, I just let go of the thoughts like it’s the best thing to do when venting out. 

I can’t even stop myself from sharing, and posting. I talk like crazy to my newfound shock-absorber or my human stress ball. Feels good to have someone listening to your angst and rants. But I feel scared from time to time, thinking I might get used to it. Oh, so I’ve spent long years getting close to people that I developed the fear of losing them. Reason why I’m trying to loosen the knots intensely tying me to them. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to be alone, yet it feels I’m home. 

Honestly, I’m kind of torturing myself. I feel like I need to be punished. That I don’t deserve to be loved because I don’t know how to return the favour. How can I enjoy spending time with my friends when I can’t, or don’t, openly express my devotion to my family. It’s just so unfair to them (my family). I don’t know how to be caring to my siblings, and my parents; or that I’m not used to doing thoughtful things. Reason why I’m always scolded. They say I’m “walang pakialam” and that I’d rather live alone or choose “friends” instead.

If I get the opportunity to bond with my family, I see to it we all enjoy. But most of the time, we’d always be disrupted by something sensitive that’s enough to ruin the mood of the moment. It sucks and it’s traumatic. So I don’t really initiate much of our family get-together or even the simplest form of reunion. Besides, I don’t have that so-so kind of family or the one that we usually find appealing and a very good example. We all have our issues and circumstances. I say I have been through a lot; enough to make me bitter, more defensive and somehow, stronger yet unhappy. I looked for happiness in the simplest of things, yet I don’t feel worthy.   

*Sigh. ‘nuff said. Don’t know what can save me. But I’ll try to move on from this alone. Scribbling my thoughts, and part of my emotions, is more than enough to lessen my load. Perhaps, I really need detachment for now…

Almost...

I am a sucker for Art; and so I can’t help but share these almost-real pencil drawings or what is called as photorealistic pencil sketches:

Added with the original work of a talented friend:

Oh well, that's all for now.. ;)

At The Crossroads...

Yesterday, I thought of writing something about Paramore’s "The Only Exception” for today’s post. But a part of me held back; maybe because the song is kind of cheesy in some sense or that dwelling on it is not really a good idea. Last night, confusing and negative thoughts ruled my head. And so, I decided to do something that I should’ve done ages ago.

Feels like I’m facing the crossroads of destiny these days. I’m trying to figure out which type of personality suits me best; because, honestly, I’m not sticking to one. Thus, I no longer know which is comfortable or not. I could still remember that I’m not friendly before or not as friendly as I am now. I was a home-buddy who’s so moody and choosy. But I guess I can naturally attract people without even trying so hard to get close to.

The thing is, I didn’t know how to respond or cherish the way people, or the so-called friends, treat me. I have always thought that it’s not my responsibility to do anything, especially if I wasn’t the one who initiated the bond. I mingle; but I don’t really make it a big deal. That’s when fate got interested in me. I met friends who value companionship like it’s a part of their life force.

I didn’t know what to do at first. But I was sure I wanted to be like them for I enjoyed having faithful friends. And so I managed to change and become someone else – someone cheerful and friendly enough to make bonds with just anybody. Something I thought was incredible and long-lasting. But I was wrong.

I wasn’t inherently nice and sociable; I thought I can do anything without being touchy. I believed that bonds such as friendship and romantic relationships would only make you vulnerable and feeble. And as days go by, I’d find more and more reasons confirming such claims. This kind of person that’s only concerned of protecting one’s self is perhaps my inner and natural self - the old personality that’s trying so hard to resurface now. Of course, it’s almost successful.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret being the kind of person that most people think I am. It was fun and memorable. But I’m sure I never exposed the real me yet; not even to my very close friends. They have much to learn, that is. But I guess I no longer have the inclination to be loving, caring and friendly. I have gone beyond the limits. I forgot to deal with friendship in moderation. I got lost in the bliss and promises of such thing. And so I suffered much. I became prone to pain, jealousy and other pathetic stuff. I may be bitter, but I should’ve awakened myself earlier. 
 

A friend told me that I should not change myself, especially if I’m not really comfortable with the idea. I think he’s right and so I’m trying to lessen the bonds I have now; before I get consumed by nasty feelings. I still haven’t overcome that sickness and I thought being the opposite would help eliminate its existence. But no, it only made things worst. Hence, I’ll try to be my old self again. We’ll see if I can manage. Hope “they” understand. Test is inevitable, eh?! :D

Hey friend, you managed to “jinx” me a couple of times already. It did work. Remember when you said yesterday that “You’re in a good mood today, but yesterday was not. How about tomorrow?” Haha. I guess this is it.

Friends, if you think I'm being unreasonable or something, please feel free to pinch me back to reality. ;)

Claim It and It Shall Be Given To You

It's not always that we are given what we really want. Sometimes, we've got to be contented with what we have and no longer ask for what we cannot get. Even being a spoiled brat has its limits. However, if you truly deserve it, then it goes without saying. Ask for it, claim it, work for it, wait, and you shall reap favorable results. Oh my, I feel that I have so many things to be thankful for. 

"Good things always come to those who wait." That's the lesson I learned from the anime (Saiunkoku Monogatari) I watched yesterday. I didnt think that it would apply to me for today or that what I've been wishing for would eventually come true (I even forgot about it). Well, maybe that's why Patience is a virtue, eh?!

I'm not really a patient person. Despite being indecisive, I am also impulsive; which frequently leads me to many forms of trouble and regrets. I never thought that this moment would come. I've never felt this satisfied and blessed.. Well, when talking about work, that is. :D

I dont make sense, I know. But I cant help but write and post this rant. I'm just happy that I get to work with my friend now. Haha. Yeah, another shallow reason to rejoice. But even the simplest and smallest of things can make me happy. You dont have to look for bigger or extreme reasons to be happy, right? Or spend much just to enjoy yourself? I'm a practical person; but I'm also a splurge-spender. Haha

I'm just trying to remind myself that If I truly want something, then I should go for it. Claim it. If I dont, how could I attract success? But of course, I know this is not applicable to each and every situation. There will always be something, or someone, that I'd like to have but can never really own or get. Too bad but that's the way things are. Oh well, I'll just have to thank whatever comes my way.

Looking forward to working with you friend. I hope we'll be fine. :))

And thanks to the early morning "jinx" of another friend. I think that helped a lot. ;)