Yesterday, I thought of writing something about Paramore’s "The Only Exception” for today’s post. But a part of me held back; maybe because the song is kind of cheesy in some sense or that dwelling on it is not really a good idea. Last night, confusing and negative thoughts ruled my head. And so, I decided to do something that I should’ve done ages ago.
Feels like I’m facing the crossroads of destiny these days. I’m trying to figure out which type of personality suits me best; because, honestly, I’m not sticking to one. Thus, I no longer know which is comfortable or not. I could still remember that I’m not friendly before or not as friendly as I am now. I was a home-buddy who’s so moody and choosy. But I guess I can naturally attract people without even trying so hard to get close to.
The thing is, I didn’t know how to respond or cherish the way people, or the so-called friends, treat me. I have always thought that it’s not my responsibility to do anything, especially if I wasn’t the one who initiated the bond. I mingle; but I don’t really make it a big deal. That’s when fate got interested in me. I met friends who value companionship like it’s a part of their life force.
I didn’t know what to do at first. But I was sure I wanted to be like them for I enjoyed having faithful friends. And so I managed to change and become someone else – someone cheerful and friendly enough to make bonds with just anybody. Something I thought was incredible and long-lasting. But I was wrong.
I wasn’t inherently nice and sociable; I thought I can do anything without being touchy. I believed that bonds such as friendship and romantic relationships would only make you vulnerable and feeble. And as days go by, I’d find more and more reasons confirming such claims. This kind of person that’s only concerned of protecting one’s self is perhaps my inner and natural self - the old personality that’s trying so hard to resurface now. Of course, it’s almost successful.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret being the kind of person that most people think I am. It was fun and memorable. But I’m sure I never exposed the real me yet; not even to my very close friends. They have much to learn, that is. But I guess I no longer have the inclination to be loving, caring and friendly. I have gone beyond the limits. I forgot to deal with friendship in moderation. I got lost in the bliss and promises of such thing. And so I suffered much. I became prone to pain, jealousy and other pathetic stuff. I may be bitter, but I should’ve awakened myself earlier.
Feels like I’m facing the crossroads of destiny these days. I’m trying to figure out which type of personality suits me best; because, honestly, I’m not sticking to one. Thus, I no longer know which is comfortable or not. I could still remember that I’m not friendly before or not as friendly as I am now. I was a home-buddy who’s so moody and choosy. But I guess I can naturally attract people without even trying so hard to get close to.
The thing is, I didn’t know how to respond or cherish the way people, or the so-called friends, treat me. I have always thought that it’s not my responsibility to do anything, especially if I wasn’t the one who initiated the bond. I mingle; but I don’t really make it a big deal. That’s when fate got interested in me. I met friends who value companionship like it’s a part of their life force.
I didn’t know what to do at first. But I was sure I wanted to be like them for I enjoyed having faithful friends. And so I managed to change and become someone else – someone cheerful and friendly enough to make bonds with just anybody. Something I thought was incredible and long-lasting. But I was wrong.
I wasn’t inherently nice and sociable; I thought I can do anything without being touchy. I believed that bonds such as friendship and romantic relationships would only make you vulnerable and feeble. And as days go by, I’d find more and more reasons confirming such claims. This kind of person that’s only concerned of protecting one’s self is perhaps my inner and natural self - the old personality that’s trying so hard to resurface now. Of course, it’s almost successful.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t regret being the kind of person that most people think I am. It was fun and memorable. But I’m sure I never exposed the real me yet; not even to my very close friends. They have much to learn, that is. But I guess I no longer have the inclination to be loving, caring and friendly. I have gone beyond the limits. I forgot to deal with friendship in moderation. I got lost in the bliss and promises of such thing. And so I suffered much. I became prone to pain, jealousy and other pathetic stuff. I may be bitter, but I should’ve awakened myself earlier.
A friend told me that I should not change myself, especially if I’m not really comfortable with the idea. I think he’s right and so I’m trying to lessen the bonds I have now; before I get consumed by nasty feelings. I still haven’t overcome that sickness and I thought being the opposite would help eliminate its existence. But no, it only made things worst. Hence, I’ll try to be my old self again. We’ll see if I can manage. Hope “they” understand. Test is inevitable, eh?! :D
Hey friend, you managed to “jinx” me a couple of times already. It did work. Remember when you said yesterday that “You’re in a good mood today, but yesterday was not. How about tomorrow?” Haha. I guess this is it.
Friends, if you think I'm being unreasonable or something, please feel free to pinch me back to reality. ;)
Hey friend, you managed to “jinx” me a couple of times already. It did work. Remember when you said yesterday that “You’re in a good mood today, but yesterday was not. How about tomorrow?” Haha. I guess this is it.
Friends, if you think I'm being unreasonable or something, please feel free to pinch me back to reality. ;)
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