RIP, Nami :(

This is such a bad day - a really bad one. I feel so guilty.. and grief is trying to take the best of me... cant help but let the tears flow. If only my tears could wash away the sadness, and the feeling of guilt... I still cant get over it. It'll take some time, I know. But the pain right now is killing me. It hurts like hell. I can barely contain it. :(

My another favorite cat has died. Yes, this may sound ridiculous to other people; however, our cats (three of them: the mom, the older brother and the only girl - Nami) are already part of our family, I consider them my special siblings. I do my best to protect and feed them. Hearing them cry would bring me discomfort and worry; thus, it crushes my heart to see her struggle and die.

Yep, I saw how she died - she died in my hands as I tried my best to save her. But I guess I'm never enough to save her. Or maybe, it was also my fault that she didnt make it. Perhaps, I did the wrong first aid. So instead of saving her, I rushed her death. I dont know; I feel so helpless. I think it's better to blame myself. I was quite ignorant of what really needs to be done; and so I failed to save her. :(

They say dont dwell on things or failures which are actually beyond your control, including death. But I'm human; I tend to be sensitive or emotional, especially to my loved ones. I just cant accept the thought of a loved one passing away before my eyes. I cried and cried while trying to save my cat. Praying that I'll have the hands that can help her survive; but maybe I was really too late. It sucks not to be able to do anything at times like this.

I still dont know how to move on from this incident. Kind of traumatic and heart-breaking - I'd rather choose to deal with a love life issue than to bear with this kind of pain. :( The guilt is taking me over. The pain is unbearable. With all the memories, how can I free myself from this sadness and remorse? x_x

Nami, please forgive me if it was truly my fault. Please, rest in peace. :((

When I was a kid…

I had a lot of dreams. I aspired to be like this and/or that in the future. I wanted to achieve so many things. Impossible was not yet invented in my dictionary.  Felt I could conquer the world! Haha.

As a kid, my imagination was really wild, vivid and timeless. I cared for nothing but fun, adventure and the real excitement of life. I love to draw, write stories and play whatever games would come to my mind. I wonder where that kid is now…

I wanted to travel the entire world - explore, unearth and tell humanity how wonderful the universe is. I have always adored the creations of God. I love Nature, and even the innovations of man... Sadly though, the planet is no longer as beautiful as it was… 

When I was a kid… I wanted to become a…

Traveler/Archaeologist

What’s other better and pleasurable way to appreciate more the beauty of nature and the wonders of the entire universe than to travel, travel and travel? To travel the whole world is my very wish…when I was just a kid, and until now. 

I also want to unearth history, discover hidden facts and find relics. I was so inspired by a TV series way back in High School; if my memory serves me right, the show was “Relic Hunter.” I also love to watch Tomb Raider, The Mummy, National Treasure, Indiana Jones and other history-based or treasure hunting inspired movies. I loved history as long as I can remember and so I want to learn more.

I eventually wanted to become a teacher - for reality's sake. Haha. As for traveling, I think it’s wise to start a travel blog while I’m still looking for “that” opportunity.

Air Force/Navy/Marines

"To fly, fight and win ... in air, space and cyberspace." – Air Force

I’ve always wanted to explore the sky, and/or the ocean; thus the dreams. I even wanted to become an astronaut! I thought that I’ll always be free and alive whenever I can roam around the seas and the skies – reason why I love “One Piece.”

But of course, these are very risky jobs. As a kid, I was only looking at the positive and enjoyable aspects; I challenge intricacy and would always think that I shall win.

Now, as a Navy officer, you can also take part in aviation. I found out about Naval Aviators and blood surged through my veins. Isn’t that hitting two birds in one stone? Whew! :D

However, if it’s not in the US or other more technologically-advanced countries, I’d rather content myself with collecting miniature models of aircraft. Haha ;) :P

Ninja/Samurai

Aren’t they cool?!! Ninjas and Samurais never fail to amuse and amaze me. They’ll always be a part of my imagination and wishful thinking. Although becoming a ninja or a samurai these days seems easier said than done... if given the chance, why not? hahaha

Some people think that a ninja and/or samurai are nothing but blood-thirsty mercenaries or spies. But for me, they have an honourable reputation. Added with the effect of watching Samurai X – Rurouni Kenshin, Naruto and the like… ;)

But I guess, a police officer or a detective is more realistic and feasible. 

I also want to become an F1 pro-racer.. hahaha.. But I guess I should start learning how to drive well first.. and race with a go-kart before anything else. ;)

Although these aspirations may seem very difficult, I know they’re never impossible. I so envy those who are able to live up their dreams. Right now, I’m still having a hard time listening to my real calling. I know it’s not yet too late for me now... So, help me God. :D