This is such a bad day - a really bad one. I feel so guilty.. and grief is trying to take the best of me... cant help but let the tears flow. If only my tears could wash away the sadness, and the feeling of guilt... I still cant get over it. It'll take some time, I know. But the pain right now is killing me. It hurts like hell. I can barely contain it. :(
My another favorite cat has died. Yes, this may sound ridiculous to other people; however, our cats (three of them: the mom, the older brother and the only girl - Nami) are already part of our family, I consider them my special siblings. I do my best to protect and feed them. Hearing them cry would bring me discomfort and worry; thus, it crushes my heart to see her struggle and die.
Yep, I saw how she died - she died in my hands as I tried my best to save her. But I guess I'm never enough to save her. Or maybe, it was also my fault that she didnt make it. Perhaps, I did the wrong first aid. So instead of saving her, I rushed her death. I dont know; I feel so helpless. I think it's better to blame myself. I was quite ignorant of what really needs to be done; and so I failed to save her. :(
They say dont dwell on things or failures which are actually beyond your control, including death. But I'm human; I tend to be sensitive or emotional, especially to my loved ones. I just cant accept the thought of a loved one passing away before my eyes. I cried and cried while trying to save my cat. Praying that I'll have the hands that can help her survive; but maybe I was really too late. It sucks not to be able to do anything at times like this.
I still dont know how to move on from this incident. Kind of traumatic and heart-breaking - I'd rather choose to deal with a love life issue than to bear with this kind of pain. :( The guilt is taking me over. The pain is unbearable. With all the memories, how can I free myself from this sadness and remorse? x_x
Nami, please forgive me if it was truly my fault. Please, rest in peace. :((
My another favorite cat has died. Yes, this may sound ridiculous to other people; however, our cats (three of them: the mom, the older brother and the only girl - Nami) are already part of our family, I consider them my special siblings. I do my best to protect and feed them. Hearing them cry would bring me discomfort and worry; thus, it crushes my heart to see her struggle and die.
Yep, I saw how she died - she died in my hands as I tried my best to save her. But I guess I'm never enough to save her. Or maybe, it was also my fault that she didnt make it. Perhaps, I did the wrong first aid. So instead of saving her, I rushed her death. I dont know; I feel so helpless. I think it's better to blame myself. I was quite ignorant of what really needs to be done; and so I failed to save her. :(
They say dont dwell on things or failures which are actually beyond your control, including death. But I'm human; I tend to be sensitive or emotional, especially to my loved ones. I just cant accept the thought of a loved one passing away before my eyes. I cried and cried while trying to save my cat. Praying that I'll have the hands that can help her survive; but maybe I was really too late. It sucks not to be able to do anything at times like this.
I still dont know how to move on from this incident. Kind of traumatic and heart-breaking - I'd rather choose to deal with a love life issue than to bear with this kind of pain. :( The guilt is taking me over. The pain is unbearable. With all the memories, how can I free myself from this sadness and remorse? x_x
Nami, please forgive me if it was truly my fault. Please, rest in peace. :((
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